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Teachings on love Chap 7 & 8

Chapter 7 Deep listening and Loving speech

* We have so many means of communication, TV, radio, telephone, fax, email, WWW, yet we remain islands with very little communication between family members, individuals in society or nations.

* When we cannot communicate, we get sick, and we suffer, we spill our suffering onto other people. We pay psychotherapists to listen to us, but psychotherapists are just human beings who also have problems, too.

* One person looking at the root of your suffering is good. Two persons looking at it is better. Two people looking at it together is best.

* Don't discuss the problems when you are hurt. Make an appointment to discuss it with the person. Also, wait to see if your hurt has transformed by then. If not, when you speak, you tell the deepest kind of truth, using loving speech, the kind of speech that the other person can understand and accept. When you listen, listen with all your attention and emphasize others.

* When someone says "I love you," it may be a lie. It may just be an expression of desire. We have to be attentive. In the Buddhism tradition, right speech is described as refraining from these four actions.
(1) Not telling the truth.
(2) Exaggerating
(3) Forked tongue
(4) Filthy language

* Two aspects: speak and listen

(David and Angelina story...)

* When we are in anger (or irritated), refrain ourselves from speaking. Wait until we are calm and speak with clarity and truthfulness.

Chapter 8 Living mindfully together

* Think of your first love, how it came about, where it took place, what brought you to that moment. Recall the details of experience and look at them calmly and deeply with compassion and understanding. You will discover things that you did not notice the first time. You will discover that your "first love" was not really the first. Many streams nourish and support the river of your life. Your first love has no beginning and no end; it is always in transformation. Your first love is still present, continuing to shape your life.

* When you fell in love, you constructed a beautiful image that you projected onto your partner.

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