Skip to main content

In the moment of feeling rejection

This is always the hardest moment in life these days for me. People don't respond the emails in the way I hope for. People show indifference in their attitude towards me. I feel ignored. I feel that people don't listen to me. I feel that people look beyond me. I feel that people take me for granted.

Yes, right.. don't I also do this to others who I care less for?

Why do I do that to others? 1. Don't want others to get the wrong impression and afraid of being hit on so I will have to deal with the uncomfortable situation to reject them. 2. Would like to hang out with more positive people. 3. Disagree what other people said. 4. Think that I am a better person than they are...

See.. I am discrimate to strangers so that I am easily hurt by strangers' rejection. Does this make sense? I will ponder on this a bit more.

Perhaps, the angle of looking at the things can be better based on being mindful, kindness, renunciation, and compassion. I will let go my superficial judgment on strangers just as much as I let go superficial judgments from the strangers in me.

Come back and visit this...

6/1/2006

I had a good fortunate to be part of the 48 hour film project. Some people that I met throught the group are bright, shining, talented, and spiritual. For instance, Audery and Patrick, or Charles to certain degree... I must say (at least that is how I felt) I am trying to write down how I felt to examine exactly what is going on in my head.

I felt that those shining people don't have interest in being friends with me. Perhaps, I projected that sort of image on them. I also feel a bit that Brent could have been friendly with me solely because I could provide him transportation or web site development. (Just keep writing down what my insecurities are.. write them down freely... they are the feelings and don't use any morality to tell myself that I *should* or *shouldn't* feel certain way...) They will form plans without me, which makes me feel less of myself as if I am not cool to be their friends. But, this is just merely my projection. Whether it is real or not, I don't know. At this stage of the game (i.e. I don't have a deep friendship with them. There is no need to press that at all.) Friendship only develops naturally and with the mutal interests. I don't need to create conflicts in me. I don't need to be the center of attention all the time. If I don't initiate, why would other people do?

A lot of things that I feel are solely based on my ego. Ego needs to be fed. The film project is a good illustration. People with ego like to be on the camera and be seen. What about those people who worked behind the scene? Portia, Tari, Jonathan? They are fine people, too.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rumi's poems quoted in Wikipedia

* All day I think about it, then at night I say it. Where did I come from, and what am I supposed to be doing? I have no idea. My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that, and I intend to end up there. * Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, idolator, worshipper of fire, come even though you have broken your vows a thousand times, Come, and come yet again. Ours is not a caravan of despair. o Variant: Come, come again, whoever you are, come! Heathen, fire worshipper or idolatrous, come! Come even if you broke your penitence a hundred times, Ours is the portal of hope, come as you are. * Do not grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form. * Every tree and plant in the meadow seemed to be dancing, those which average eyes would see as fixed and still. * Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in every heart. * Everyone sees the unseen in proportion to the clarity of his heart, and that depends upon h
Post a Comment
Read more

Miyamoto Musashi's painting

One of the monochrome paintings he produced later in life "The Shrike" expresses his ultimate teaching of swordsmanship, namely, "the myriad principles are all of the Void." The insect that can be seen roughly in the middle of the painting, crawling up the branch of the withered tree, provides us with a hint of the meaning of swordsmanship hidden within the work. Ono interprets the painting as such: The Shrike is waiting for the fish in the pond. She could shake the dead branch to make the insect fall into the water which will entice fish to come out and eat the bug. Before then, the insect has eaten up all the leaves of the tree which was transformed into a dead tree. The shrike could catch the fish, and strike her catch to the other pointed branch to kill it. Thus: Fish kills worm; worm kills tree; shrike kills fish...; The unseen kills shrike; new trees grow around the dead tree; Shrike, fish, worm, dead trees all turn into fertilizer to grow the new tree. Such i
3 comments
Read more

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

THEN a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow. And he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self same well from which your laughter rises was often times filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asle
2 comments
Read more