Mind activities of a Stone boy

This was the third time that I visited L's family. I could remember that her Dad used to be able to stand on a cane, but no more. I remember that I used not to have belly visible, but the belly showed up in front of the mirror in the locker room. Things don't change over night. That happens gradually. Patience is the key. Perseverance is the key, too. Doing little things step by step with every minute that I have. I will be alright.. Figure out that answer and go for that at this wonderful moment.

Almost 15 years ago now when I was fresh new in this country, it was my first time to go to NYC. I went to see my girlfriend then. The plan was to meet up with her brother who worked as a lawyer in midtown Manhattan and took the company taxi with him back to her parents'. I vividly remember how unsafe I felt when walking on the dark streets in Manhattan. I tried to follow a man who walking in front of me right after I exited the subway stop or port authority.. He seemed frightened, too.. It was obviously the projection of my imagination. The other week, I walked to a friend's place along the Conn Avenue. It was pitch dark and close to 11:00pm. The night walk reminded me of the previous experience in Manhattan. I didn't feel unsafe walking along the dark side of the street off Conn Avenue. It was the similar air of temperature.. not sure why.. I just thought about my first NYC visit experience then. It really validates that I conjure up the fearful situation in my head. I wa

I tend to drink coke, hunch over staring at the computer screen, surf mindlessly, eat more than my body needs, have an extremely disheveled desk, feel sluggish, feel rigid, feel clogged in my qui flow inside, do not think clearly... I can stop and pause, then cultivate my awareness. Bring metta to myself. Ask myself what is the smallest step I could do now to remove myself from this state of unawareness. And Do it..

Talking to sister tonight regarding the rigidity that I have felt recently about my inability to communicate with other people. I started to sense my thoughts are not as fluid as before. I don't interact with people in a fresh way....